Last Updated on Thursday, 07 May 2009 15:42
Lookit all that happy horseshit below. Ignore it. My name is Greg Crites, I write books and I sell them to you. I don't collect jackshit! I don't email you unless you email me wondering which bar I am drinking in that night, or email telling me I am the funniest bastard drawing air and writing words. Then I will email you a big thanks. I don't collect yer information. I love you for being a fan, sharing a laugh, and I wish you nothing but the very frickin' best life has to offer—but I ain't going to bug you. I don't sell your email address, your name or anything else. If someone breaks into my site, there ain't jack shit to steal. Plus, I am an angry, violent motherfucker who may track you down and kill you for screwing with the site. When you buy something from here, you are taken directly to Paypal, whom are a bunch of greedy pigfuckers, but they do boast the most secure system in the universe. You can be assured they will not lose your info. I don't want your info. If I had it, I can guarandamntee I'd lose it. I drink heavily. That is my privacy statement. That shit below is a joke, but I was told I need a Privacy Statement. And remember, fuck with me at your own risk—I will track you down and bury a steel toed boot in your ass. Oh, and if you are offended, what the hell are you doing here? Dipshit.
Greg Crites, and I endorse this message.
Our Commitment To Privacy
Your privacy is important to us. To better protect your privacy we provide this notice explaining our online information practices and the choices you can make about the way your information is collected and used. To make this notice easy to find, we make it available on our homepage and at every point where personally identifiable information may be requested.
This notice applies to all information collected or submitted on this website. On some pages, you can order products, make requests, and register to receive materials. The types of personal information collected at these pages are:
On some pages, you can submit information about other people. For example, if you order a gift online and want it sent directly to the recipient, you will need to submit the recipient's address. In this circumstance, the types of personal information collected are:
We use the information you provide about yourself when placing an order only to complete that order. We do not share this information with outside parties except to the extent necessary to complete that order.
We use the information you provide about someone else when placing an order only to ship the product and to confirm delivery. We do not share this information with outside parties except to the extent necessary to complete that order.
We offer gift-cards by which you can personalize a product you order for another person. Information you provide to us to create a gift-card is only used for that purpose, and it is only disclosed to the person receiving the gift.
We use return email addresses to answer the email we receive. Such addresses are not used for any other purpose and are not shared with outside parties.
You can register with our website if you would like to receive our catalog as well as updates on our new products and services. Information you submit on our website will not be used for this purpose unless you fill out the registration form.
We use non-identifying and aggregate information to better design our website and to share with advertisers. For example, we may tell an advertiser that X number of individuals visited a certain area on our website, or that Y number of men and Z number of women filled out our registration form, but we would not disclose anything that could be used to identify those individuals.
Finally, we never use or share the personally identifiable information provided to us online in ways unrelated to the ones described above without also providing you an opportunity to opt-out or otherwise prohibit such unrelated uses.
To prevent unauthorized access, maintain data accuracy, and ensure the correct use of information, we have put in place appropriate physical, electronic, and managerial procedures to safeguard and secure the information we collect online.
Protecting the privacy of the very young is especially important. For that reason, we never collect or maintain information at our website from those we actually know are under 13, and no part of our website is structured to attract anyone under 13.
You can access all your personally identifiable information that we collect online and maintain by calling us or sending us an email.. We use this procedure to better safeguard your information.
You can correct factual errors in your personally identifiable information by sending us a request that credibly shows error.
To protect your privacy and security, we will also take reasonable steps to verify your identity before granting access or making corrections.
Should you have other questions or concerns about these privacy policies, please contact us.