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Global Swarming Till Death Do Us Part... A Love Story with Zombies

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Fan Comments

Sweet

HI finally got the links to the downloads but it was 2 hours later so whatever, as long as I get them. That being said, I have to tell you that you were one of my first forays into the Podcast world and I gotta tell you that so far no other author gets as much play on my Zune as you do – specifically Dunkin and Devlin (although I now own everything you have put to podcast). To date, I have listened to all of them at least a dozen times and for some strange reason just can’t get enough of them while I’m on my commute to and from work. This is a literary devotion that you currently only share with Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore and Neil Gaiman in my home. And while I’m not trying to be a kiss-ass or anything like that, I have, on several occasions considered sending you a case of rum just to help facilitate more books.

That being said, I will conclude thusly: Keep writing and I will keep buying. And by the way, by the time I heard about the Dunkin hardcover it was gone. For the love of all that is HOLY will you PLEASE get some more in stock so I can buy one? There are none on eBay either. Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one! --Old Irish Toast

Gidday!

Gidday Greg, just taking a few minutes to let you know how sincerely grateful I am that you have endured to create the Dunkin series. Your sense of humour, writing style blah blah blah are incredible. I listen during long drives to work and back and thoroughly enjoy my journey because of your talent.

I can not begin to know or comprehend the commitment and work put in by you, but it is genuinely and gratefully appreciated. All the best Greg. J — Brisbane Australia

Loved the podiobook would like to own in print

Warning Greg Crites books may be offensive to people of all ages and faiths and I believe he is quite proud of that fact. I disagree with at least 60% of what the main character thinks about religion. If you want to be enlightened, this likely is not the book you want. If you want a book that will make you think just a little and laugh a lot this is a good book.
I enjoy Greg Crites books because he is smart and well crazy.

A drug-fueled romp thru the morass of organized religion by a confirmed cynic

This is a very funny story of a reporter's travels thru modern day organized religion. That the reporter is a coke-snorting, mushroom-taking, acid-dropping alcoholic just adds fuel to the fire.
Crites' true gift is being able to insult anything and everything with laugh-out-loud one liners. I guarantee that SOMETHING in this book will offend you to the core, but you will be laughing too hard to hold it against him.
If you know who Hunter S Thompson is, then you will want to read this one.

Greg Crites is the finest writer on earth. He's original. I Love the novel Crusade. If I were a beautiful red haired specimen of the feminine persuasion ...

HAR!

Finally someone has created a lovable male vampire sex symbol for women with an IQ higher than their waist measurement. I do thank you for that after years of all the fluffy, whining, pole smoking fops that so many authors have paraded around as sexy it is good to have a grouchy, cynical bad ass who oozes sex appeal as much as he oozes rum scented sweat.

Devlin got me started listening to you and now I am hooked. Your throaty velvet ramblings make my hours of confinement in the romper room concentration camp of my office much more enjoyable. panties off you to Mr. Crites.

Scott Sigler

Scott Sigler , NYT bestselling Novelist on Crusade — This is the best book in the history of mankind. Crites is beyond awesome. I actually long for the day when he will rattle off a thesaurus-driven chain of insults at me. Greg, please, insult me in this fashion.

This book is a stunning collection of debauchery, intellect, basic observation of religion and a vocabulary that could lift off the page, walk erect and snort five lines of Strunk & White without missing a step.

Crusade

I had no idea what I was getting into when I downloaded the podio book. Crusade I thought I was getting a podio book about The Crusade.

I like history. I immediately started laughing my ass off at your witty sense of humor. You're an incredible linguist and your command of the English language is very robust. I'm listening to Gabriel use sarcasm against a serial killer right now and I am laughing so hard. You're brilliant..

Mayhem

i've just finished listening to bluetooth bayou, down loaded it last weekend (21 march ) and finished the last part today (26 march) now we english do not show our emotions well we hide all that shit but Crites, you're the man! i love devlin and dunkin but bluetooth, no you cant have it and crusade, man they're hot.

why hasn't someone brought the rights to make these shit hot pieces of brilliance into movies i dont know. To me the would make the transition to the screen so easy, where is the book that should have come before crusade? lets have that. crusade has got to be a three movie deal alone , crusade being the second part. hey i and ive tried that dildo and red eye thing in an english church , it translates just fine har look mr crites sir just dont stop recording all that great work of yours , we may not tell you as often as we should, thanks your the best now i got a drink to sink. cheers!

Lunacy!

Dunkin II! NOOOO! It’s over. I’m going to have Devlin withdrawal. These books are a riot! I listen to them while doing data entry and I’m surprised I haven’t been fired yet for bursting out laughing. THANKS GREG! YOU ROCK!

XOXOXOXO

Addictive?

I listened to Crusade about 3 weeks ago (thinking it was a book on the crusades) to my surprise I absolutly loved it! I’m a non-fiction reader 99% of the time, but you had me laughing more in those few hours than I had laughed in a year! So bummed was I when it was over, I scouted the web and downloaded Dunkin I&II, Hard boiled, and The hell hermit!!! I think your writing is amazing! I feel I owe you at least fifty bucks for the joy you have given me.

So now, because i feel the need to share the joy of your sick and demented mind, i have two friends currently listening to Crusade, and ( now this is just wrong of me ) even my 73 year old catholic mother!! Greg , Please keep up the good work. like Dunkin needs food, and Devlin needs booze, I NEED YOU!

Idiot!

I love how the story unfolds. Personally, I was always intrigued to learn what would happen next. The characters develop throughout the story. This isn't your typical vampire story that portray them has strictly beautiful, handsome, or in the best shape ever.

Instead, this is a different view of them. This story is so easy to listen to and enjoy. I look forward to listening to the next installment. .... itunes

Heh!

Due to the less than impressive cover, I avoided listening to this podcast for awhile. However, once one of my favorite podcast authors, Scott Sigler, recommended Greg Crites Crusade, I tried listening to this podcast. I have to say, this story blew my mind. The author is hilarious.

I consider J.C. Hutchinson's 7th Son trilogy a classic, if the remaining two books of this series is as entertaining or even better than the first, then I would have to put this series up there with it. .... itunes

Origins

Beneath the humor, drinking, and the violence, lies a great story! I rank this trilogy with the like of other podcast authors such as Scott Sigler's Earthcore, J.C. Hutchinson's 7th Son Trilogy, Mark Jeffrey's Max Quick series, and John Lenahan's Shadowmagic.

I patiently await the third installment to the series. Until then, I intend to listen to Devlin, Abnormal Investigations. ...itunes

Whaddayamean?

It's official, Greg Crites is among the elite authors of the podcast novel community. This is the third novel, the other two being Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, that I was totally engulfed in.

It's hard to tell a good story and it's hard to be funny, he does both effortlessly. The interaction between his characters are hilarious.

Hey Crites, Long time listener, first time e-mailer... or something like that.

Subject pretty much says it all, but I figure I'd scrawl a small note. I bought Zane and Global Swarming and others. I've enjoyed everything you've released so far, and after giving it some thought, not very much, but you know, you are perhaps the funniest author on Earth.

Crusade

Not Your Usual Crites Novel This is my favorite Crites novel, bar none. It's the best written, with the most convoluted plot, and best characters. Listen carefully, I'm going to tell you something important: there are no vampires what. so. ever. So, if you want vampires and vampire slayers, go look for another title. This book is not for you. Move along..

As an upstanding citizen, I cannot believe how I love this novel. It's true. I admit it, but only under a pseudonym. The author had me with the first couple paragraphs, where he describes how to put on a bra. Correctly. I was impressed. An author needs a habit of careful observation. If he can get something like that right, he may have hidden depths and get other things right. The characters view whited sepulchers, and hold them up for ridicule. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't listen. The people in this novel are as real as any I know. I refuse to get into details; if you want to know more, go listen. Greg ha s a gift for reading. Visit the author's website for other titles. Most of them have vampires. Oh, I almost forgot. This book is really, really funny. Laugh out loud, split your sides funny. It's worth a listen.

Classic!
Brutha was that well timed! Pal, you did it again. “...(spoiler delete) is arguably the finest last sentence of a book there ever was. This is beautiful, dude. Great, great book. Glad you left the Moriarty Effect, it adds depth to the whole world you’ve created by drinking too much milk. Oh, one little thing...

Satisfying!
Well done! Very satisfactory ending. The overall structure couldn't be better. I can see how Devlin has acquired an enthusiastic public. Still not my genre, but that doesn't keep me from appreciating good writing, sound structure, vivid imagery, side-splitting wisecracks, brash irreverence - and, above all, prolific creativity.

Brilliant!
This kicked ass. Absolutely, positively ROCKED, from the intro of the Hell Hermit, to your jackass ending (ok, I'll admit that the ending had me snorting Red Bull at my screen again, but only because... well, I LOVE that Jennifer told him to shut up and kiss her. That just rocks, and as much as I hate to admit it, it was the perfect ending), it kept me glued to the screen, desperate for more, and if it was a book in my hand (AHEM. hint, hint) I'd have sat down in one sitting to read it. Which only means that I need it- NOW- on my bookshelf. Seriously, this series you created is absolute genius. Three books with Devlin, and I still want more. He's the perfect storybook badass, and I love him. I love the way he reacts to the people in his life, and I love the way the people in his life deal with him. Honestly, you rocked this, and I'm in awe of you. Now... um, WHERE THE HELL IS DUNKIN?!?

Devlin II

"Yo Greg! Love the Devlin II so far - finished up to what you had done - really nice work - I'd love to hear the Sigler's immitation of Crites - had to be funny - was there Rum involved?"

Stop Wriing!

I have listened to Dunkin 1 and 2 and Devlin. HAR!!

Great job on the reading!! Thanks a ton Greg.

Dammit!

Hi Greg, Just wanted to thank you for all the entertainment your books give me. I've listened to a lot of your stuff, both downloaded from podiobooks and bought at your website, and really enjoyed each and every book.I listen to each of your books at least twiceonce to simply find out what happens next, and immediately after that the second time, to fully appreciate all the brilliant dialogs and the long monologues sparkling with humor. And quite often, after some time I return and listen again, simply because your books are damn good

I know that everyone loves Dunkin and Devlin, but I'd like to let you know that your other books - such as "No, You Can't Have It" or "Bluetooth Bayou" are equally great. So thanks again. -- XXXXX from Poland (a country in Europe, stuck between Germany and Russia :) )

Go Ahead, Listen

... and keep up the great works, I am still laughing at all the great content, thanks, take care ...

Crusade

Hey Mr. Crites, I found your podiobooks on I tunes. I'm sorry to say I had never heard of you before or these books. But I listened to both Dunkin books and the Devlin spin off. I'm completely hooked. When is Dunkin 3 going to be released? I'm jonesing for the finale.

A newly turned fan. CB

Also FINALLY recd all of Greg Crites casts. HE IS HILLARIOUS!!! I have been waiting for the final half of my Dunkin and Devlin. YEA! ...

Devlin FOUR!

This ia a great podnovel!! Greg is so funny!It will leave you laughing! Love it! .... itunes

HAR!

I was working out and almost sprayed water all over the biggest guy at the gym after one of Greg's quips. I haven't laughed so long and thoroughly enjoyed myself in years. I can't wait until number TWO. ...itunes

Laughed myself silly! ...from itunes

Kumbaya

This is one of the funniest and best read books on here. Don’t take my word on it just download a few chapters! HAR! ...iTunes

I'm Working on it

Just wanted to say what a breath of fresh air your novels are. I'm subscribed through podiobooks and have listened to Dunkin the vampire slayer, am up to date on Dunkin 2 and in the meantime am listening to Devlin and the Hell Hermit. I tend to listen in car on the way to work and am getting strange looks from other drivers as I sit laughing out loud while stuck in traffic. They must think I'm mad. I've also caught myself using Devlin's expression HAR! again people think I'm mad.

Anyway I wanted to thank you for brightening up my day with a little humour and mayhem. thanks

Coming Soon!

Another GREAT story. Very funny! ...iTunes

Writing Now

If you take Carl Hiassen, Robert Rankin, Cheech & Chong and Hunter Thompson. Add a Keg of Captain Morgan's Rum and blend on high; you'll get Greg Crites.

He actually has a very interesting view on life although somewhat hazy due to all the marijuan ... iTunes

Feel the luv...

Greg Crites is one of the most adorable, funniest podiobook/artists there is! I luv absolutely everything he does. He makes me laugh all the time with his antics and storylines..

All his work is soo cleverly done and with a swig of spiced adult beverage it just keeps getting better. When I win the lottery, I'm gonna set this man up! xxooxxoo ...iTunes

NYCHI

I just wanted you to know that while Devlin is my favorite I enjoyed NYCHI. I had to make a trip to Baltimore, and if it wasn't for your book to listen to I would have gone crazy.

Thanks again for never letting your fans down. M

Zany

This is a highly entertaining story, read with verve and gusto by the author. It is seriously politically incorrect, and extremely funny.

You’ve been warned. Enjoy! Devlin ... iTunes

Kaboom!

Greg is the Bomb! HAR!

...iTunes

Obamistan

Creg Crites Duncan & Devlin stories are funnier 'n crap ...iTunes

Hars! Attacks!

IThis is stuff along the lines of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Mars Attacks. Bram Stoker, Stephanie Miller, Ann Rice, you been had by Duncan, Devlin and Ashe. Devlin and the Pope is sick. More fun than a barrel of monkeys and wolves. Ended too so... iTunes

I started listening to Greg Crites with Crusade, whose irreverence and humor, elevated me to Level 5 Heathen. I then went to check out Devlin, Abnormal Investigations, and it had me laughing out loud. But, this one, which details the origins of De... from itunes

Har!! This is one of the funniest podcasts EVER... from itunes

What a great read/listen. I love the different voices and the personality that each has. Good stuff ...iTunes

Heh!

I just recently finished listening to Crusade, Devlin, Duncan book 1 and am caught up to you on Duncan book 2. Man, this shit just flat out rocks! My favorite part in any of the books so far is when Devlin discovered 'music to kill people by' -- down with the sickness indeed!

I'm happy that I discovered your work and I've passed the links on to some friends around the country who are now listening as well. You are one talented Hack my friend and if you ever find yourself in Colorado, I'll buy you a bottle or three of rum.

Huh?

Hey Man,Just wanted to drop you a line. I bought all your audiobooks the other day and I can say that I've actually enjoyed your books more than XXXXXXXXX. :) Just don't tell him that or he'll kick my ass. Devlin is probably my favorite literary character ever,and I'm a (deleted) and I'm friggin readin all the time. So, keep up the good work! I can't wait for the next Dunkin and Devlin book. PS. I as at the airport in Chicago on election day, laughing audibly to your Dunkin II book.

People were lookin' at me like I was nuts. You're books have brought me many hours of enjoyment!

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Guerilla Garage Sale Tactics A Collection of Greg Crites’ Short Nonsense This audio collection features 24 short pieces written by that imbecile, Crites. It runs four-hours and costs three-bucks....

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Chapter one of the 8th Devlin tale: Devlin, Abnormal Investigations Case File: The 12 Labors of HAR!cules Still working on audio edits and cover. I'd give ya a date but you'd just get mad when I was...

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Get Dunkin 1-3 and Devlin 1 - 7 in epub and mobi e-book formats for $9.99

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If I Don't Read the Ad—I Don't Endorse It

Last Updated (Sunday, 05 April 2009 10:58) Written by Administrator Tuesday, 17 March 2009 09:09


click 2 enalrge

Hey! Important Announcement!

I have had emails asking about some product or service advertised on my novels through the itunes and podiobooks feed. Apparently some outfit called zero2novel.com was advertised in Hard Boiled Headline. Folks, if you don't hear my lovely voice reading the ad, I don't know jack shit about it, and I don't endorse it. Let me repeat. If I didn't read it, I don't endorse it! I don't know about, or exercise any control over, what gets put in my feeds. Nor do I make squat from it. In fact, I have zero advertisement revenue. ZERO! From anywhere. Not because I would not like some ad revenue, but because I have not figured out how to get any.

So, if I pimp something, it has been out of a genuine fondness for it. Like thenextbigwriter.com, I endorse them. Screwjack moneygrubbing attempts to extort money from writers I do not endorse. Folks, there are more crooks out there scamming authors than there are authors. Watch yourself.

I only endorse books I enjoy and HAVE READ! or LISTENED TO! I have probably pissed off many podiobook authors as I don't mention them. It's not deliberate, it's because I refuse to pimp something I have not experienced. I pimped Sigler's Infected, Contagious, and now, Nocturnal, because I listened or read them and enjoyed myself. Speaking of Nocturnal, I am on chapter 35, and it kicks ass. That fraggin' Pookie Chang is a hell of a character. And Sigler has a seemingly endless supply of voices. The shit rocks. It's friggin' long, but entertaining, fun, well plotted, and danged well delivered. Also, I am endorsing Fried Green Zombies. it's pretty funny. I did not listen to the audiobook, but I downloaded the PDF and read it. Pretty amusing story. Oh, and New World Orders. That is a good story!

As someone who has written twelve novels, sixty short stories, a bunch a podcasts, and miscellaneous bullshit, I don't have a lot of time. I have to drink too! No rum, no words. But I have numerous podiobooks I WANT to listen to, and I will, and if they are good, I'll be mentioning them. I have over a million words laid down on paper. I'd like to get a million more. But I like my entertainment as well. So I'll be listening.

Clodcast #22

The Clodcast #22 DIRECT DOWNLOAD HERE:

And remember, if I don't read the ad, I don't know about it.

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Dunkin III

Last Updated (Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:54) Written by Administrator Wednesday, 09 December 2009 15:41

Dunkin the Vampire Slayer III: It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings

Crypt Story Live at scottsigler.com

Last Updated (Wednesday, 11 March 2009 14:38) Written by Administrator Wednesday, 11 March 2009 10:42

Hey. The Crypt character treatment co-written by me... THE HACK, is live at www.scottsigler.com And ya know, the beggar did my voice better than I do. He took my draft, refined it, added some of his own purely Siglerfied insults, and launched a freakin' entertaining episode. Make sure and click over to scottsigler.com then drop some comment love his way.

OH! And if you like my shit — GET NOCTURNAL! I am almost finished listening and that is five-star work. While yer there, look around. Sigler has a metric-crapload of good stuf!

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Global Swarming Sample

Last Updated (Wednesday, 31 October 2012 06:37) Written by Administrator Wednesday, 08 April 2009 21:32

Global Swarming

Till Death Do Us Part... A Love Story with Zombies

Latest Clodcast Live... and uh... err...

Last Updated (Tuesday, 03 March 2009 18:58) Written by Administrator Tuesday, 03 March 2009 17:30

Okay, The Literary Lugwrench 21 Clodcast is up. You can get it using the podcast menu item. I never announce anything. I never email anyone unless it's a reply to an email. And I ain't going to. I respect your privacy (another way of saying 'I drink too much to keep up with emails') I do post everything new on twitter which theoretically gets posted to facebook. I'm veinarmor on Twitter and greg crites on Facebook (I think. I can't keep up with all this social media crapola. I have to write!*)

Anyway, it's up there. Not much in the clodcast this week. There is the short story 'Tropical Vacation Downgraded To Tropical Depression'. Kat nove sent in a story, but I forgot it on another machine and will have to use it next week. Sorry, Kat! I promise. I am going to work out an outline for the Zombie book this week. I'm concentrating on Dunkin III. I write a paragraph, take a drink, look at sailboats, repeat. Slow progress. But this is what you've come to expect from The Hack. Zero fraggin' fan respect. Heh! I'll make a feeble attempt to remember to post updates here, but ya gotta remember, I'm busy.**

Oh, and Kat has a blog, www.katnovian.com. Stop in and say hi.

* And drink.

**Drinking

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Fan Comments

Scott Sigler, NYT bestselling Novelist on Crusade — This is the best book in the history of mankind. Crites is beyond awesome. I actually long for the day when he will rattle off a thesaurus-driven chain of insults at me. Greg, please, insult me in this fashion.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I downloaded the podio book. Crusade I thought I was getting a podio book about The Crusade.

Dunkin II! NOOOO! It’s over. I’m going to have Devlin withdrawal. These books are a riot! I listen to them while doing data entry and I’m surprised I haven’t been fired yet for bursting out laughing. THANKS GREG! YOU ROCK!

I love how the story unfolds. Personally, I was always intrigued to learn what would happen next. The characters develop throughout the story. This isn't your typical vampire story that portray them has strictly beautiful, handsome, or in the best shape ever.

Due to the less than impressive cover, I avoided listening to this podcast for awhile. However, once one of my favorite podcast authors, Scott Sigler, recommended Greg Crites Crusade, I tried listening to this podcast. I have to say, this story blew my mind. The author is hilarious.

Beneath the humor, drinking, and the violence, lies a great story! I rank this trilogy with the like of other podcast authors such as Scott Sigler's Earthcore, J.C. Hutchinson's 7th Son Trilogy, Mark Jeffrey's Max Quick series, and John Lenahan's Shadowmagic.

It's official, Greg Crites is among the elite authors of the podcast novel community. This is the third novel, the other two being Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, that I was totally engulfed in.

Hey Crites, Long time listener, first time e-mailer... or something like that.

Subject pretty much says it all, but I figure I'd scrawl a small note. I bought Zane and Global Swarming and others. I've enjoyed everything you've released so far, and after giving it some thought, not very much, but you know, you are perhaps the funniest author on Earth.

"Yo Greg! Love the Devlin II so far - finished up to what you had done - really nice work - I'd love to hear the Sigler's immitation of Crites - had to be funny - was there Rum involved?"

I have listened to Dunkin 1 and 2 and Devlin. HAR!!

... and keep up the great works, I am still laughing at all the great content, thanks, take care ...

Hey Mr. Crites, I found your podiobooks on I tunes. I'm sorry to say I had never heard of you before or these books. But I listened to both Dunkin books and the Devlin spin off. I'm completely hooked. When is Dunkin 3 going to be released? I'm jonesing for the finale.

This ia a great podnovel!! Greg is so funny!It will leave you laughing! Love it! .... itunes

I was working out and almost sprayed water all over the biggest guy at the gym after one of Greg's quips. I haven't laughed so long and thoroughly enjoyed myself in years. I can't wait until number TWO. ...itunes

Laughed myself silly! ...from itunes

This is one of the funniest and best read books on here. Don’t take my word on it just download a few chapters! HAR! ...iTunes

Another GREAT story. Very funny! ...iTunes

If you take Carl Hiassen, Robert Rankin, Cheech & Chong and Hunter Thompson. Add a Keg of Captain Morgan's Rum and blend on high; you'll get Greg Crites.

Greg Crites is one of the most adorable, funniest podiobook/artists there is! I luv absolutely everything he does. He makes me laugh all the time with his antics and storylines..

I just wanted you to know that while Devlin is my favorite I enjoyed NYCHI. I had to make a trip to Baltimore, and if it wasn't for your book to listen to I would have gone crazy.

This is a highly entertaining story, read with verve and gusto by the author. It is seriously politically incorrect, and extremely funny.

Greg is the Bomb! HAR!

Creg Crites Duncan & Devlin stories are funnier 'n crap ...iTunes

IThis is stuff along the lines of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Mars Attacks. Bram Stoker, Stephanie Miller, Ann Rice, you been had by Duncan, Devlin and Ashe. Devlin and the Pope is sick. More fun than a barrel of monkeys and wolves. Ended too so... iTunes

What a great read/listen. I love the different voices and the personality that each has. Good stuff ...iTunes

I just recently finished listening to Crusade, Devlin, Duncan book 1 and am caught up to you on Duncan book 2. Man, this shit just flat out rocks! My favorite part in any of the books so far is when Devlin discovered 'music to kill people by' -- down with the sickness indeed!

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Scott Sigler , NYT bestselling Novelist on Crusade — This is the best book in the history of mankind. Crites is beyond awesome. I actually long for the day when he will rattle off a thesaurus-driven chain of insults at me. Greg, please, insult me in this fashion.