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Crusade II PRE-SALE Campaign

Global Swarming Till Death Do Us Part... A Love Story with Zombies

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Fan Comments

Sweet

HI finally got the links to the downloads but it was 2 hours later so whatever, as long as I get them. That being said, I have to tell you that you were one of my first forays into the Podcast world and I gotta tell you that so far no other author gets as much play on my Zune as you do – specifically Dunkin and Devlin (although I now own everything you have put to podcast). To date, I have listened to all of them at least a dozen times and for some strange reason just can’t get enough of them while I’m on my commute to and from work. This is a literary devotion that you currently only share with Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore and Neil Gaiman in my home. And while I’m not trying to be a kiss-ass or anything like that, I have, on several occasions considered sending you a case of rum just to help facilitate more books.

That being said, I will conclude thusly: Keep writing and I will keep buying. And by the way, by the time I heard about the Dunkin hardcover it was gone. For the love of all that is HOLY will you PLEASE get some more in stock so I can buy one? There are none on eBay either. Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one! --Old Irish Toast

Gidday!

Gidday Greg, just taking a few minutes to let you know how sincerely grateful I am that you have endured to create the Dunkin series. Your sense of humour, writing style blah blah blah are incredible. I listen during long drives to work and back and thoroughly enjoy my journey because of your talent.

I can not begin to know or comprehend the commitment and work put in by you, but it is genuinely and gratefully appreciated. All the best Greg. J — Brisbane Australia

Loved the podiobook would like to own in print

Warning Greg Crites books may be offensive to people of all ages and faiths and I believe he is quite proud of that fact. I disagree with at least 60% of what the main character thinks about religion. If you want to be enlightened, this likely is not the book you want. If you want a book that will make you think just a little and laugh a lot this is a good book.
I enjoy Greg Crites books because he is smart and well crazy.

A drug-fueled romp thru the morass of organized religion by a confirmed cynic

This is a very funny story of a reporter's travels thru modern day organized religion. That the reporter is a coke-snorting, mushroom-taking, acid-dropping alcoholic just adds fuel to the fire.
Crites' true gift is being able to insult anything and everything with laugh-out-loud one liners. I guarantee that SOMETHING in this book will offend you to the core, but you will be laughing too hard to hold it against him.
If you know who Hunter S Thompson is, then you will want to read this one.

Greg Crites is the finest writer on earth. He's original. I Love the novel Crusade. If I were a beautiful red haired specimen of the feminine persuasion ...

HAR!

Finally someone has created a lovable male vampire sex symbol for women with an IQ higher than their waist measurement. I do thank you for that after years of all the fluffy, whining, pole smoking fops that so many authors have paraded around as sexy it is good to have a grouchy, cynical bad ass who oozes sex appeal as much as he oozes rum scented sweat.

Devlin got me started listening to you and now I am hooked. Your throaty velvet ramblings make my hours of confinement in the romper room concentration camp of my office much more enjoyable. panties off you to Mr. Crites.

Scott Sigler

Scott Sigler , NYT bestselling Novelist on Crusade — This is the best book in the history of mankind. Crites is beyond awesome. I actually long for the day when he will rattle off a thesaurus-driven chain of insults at me. Greg, please, insult me in this fashion.

This book is a stunning collection of debauchery, intellect, basic observation of religion and a vocabulary that could lift off the page, walk erect and snort five lines of Strunk & White without missing a step.

Crusade

I had no idea what I was getting into when I downloaded the podio book. Crusade I thought I was getting a podio book about The Crusade.

I like history. I immediately started laughing my ass off at your witty sense of humor. You're an incredible linguist and your command of the English language is very robust. I'm listening to Gabriel use sarcasm against a serial killer right now and I am laughing so hard. You're brilliant..

Mayhem

i've just finished listening to bluetooth bayou, down loaded it last weekend (21 march ) and finished the last part today (26 march) now we english do not show our emotions well we hide all that shit but Crites, you're the man! i love devlin and dunkin but bluetooth, no you cant have it and crusade, man they're hot.

why hasn't someone brought the rights to make these shit hot pieces of brilliance into movies i dont know. To me the would make the transition to the screen so easy, where is the book that should have come before crusade? lets have that. crusade has got to be a three movie deal alone , crusade being the second part. hey i and ive tried that dildo and red eye thing in an english church , it translates just fine har look mr crites sir just dont stop recording all that great work of yours , we may not tell you as often as we should, thanks your the best now i got a drink to sink. cheers!

Lunacy!

Dunkin II! NOOOO! It’s over. I’m going to have Devlin withdrawal. These books are a riot! I listen to them while doing data entry and I’m surprised I haven’t been fired yet for bursting out laughing. THANKS GREG! YOU ROCK!

XOXOXOXO

Addictive?

I listened to Crusade about 3 weeks ago (thinking it was a book on the crusades) to my surprise I absolutly loved it! I’m a non-fiction reader 99% of the time, but you had me laughing more in those few hours than I had laughed in a year! So bummed was I when it was over, I scouted the web and downloaded Dunkin I&II, Hard boiled, and The hell hermit!!! I think your writing is amazing! I feel I owe you at least fifty bucks for the joy you have given me.

So now, because i feel the need to share the joy of your sick and demented mind, i have two friends currently listening to Crusade, and ( now this is just wrong of me ) even my 73 year old catholic mother!! Greg , Please keep up the good work. like Dunkin needs food, and Devlin needs booze, I NEED YOU!

Idiot!

I love how the story unfolds. Personally, I was always intrigued to learn what would happen next. The characters develop throughout the story. This isn't your typical vampire story that portray them has strictly beautiful, handsome, or in the best shape ever.

Instead, this is a different view of them. This story is so easy to listen to and enjoy. I look forward to listening to the next installment. .... itunes

Heh!

Due to the less than impressive cover, I avoided listening to this podcast for awhile. However, once one of my favorite podcast authors, Scott Sigler, recommended Greg Crites Crusade, I tried listening to this podcast. I have to say, this story blew my mind. The author is hilarious.

I consider J.C. Hutchinson's 7th Son trilogy a classic, if the remaining two books of this series is as entertaining or even better than the first, then I would have to put this series up there with it. .... itunes

Origins

Beneath the humor, drinking, and the violence, lies a great story! I rank this trilogy with the like of other podcast authors such as Scott Sigler's Earthcore, J.C. Hutchinson's 7th Son Trilogy, Mark Jeffrey's Max Quick series, and John Lenahan's Shadowmagic.

I patiently await the third installment to the series. Until then, I intend to listen to Devlin, Abnormal Investigations. ...itunes

Whaddayamean?

It's official, Greg Crites is among the elite authors of the podcast novel community. This is the third novel, the other two being Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, that I was totally engulfed in.

It's hard to tell a good story and it's hard to be funny, he does both effortlessly. The interaction between his characters are hilarious.

Hey Crites, Long time listener, first time e-mailer... or something like that.

Subject pretty much says it all, but I figure I'd scrawl a small note. I bought Zane and Global Swarming and others. I've enjoyed everything you've released so far, and after giving it some thought, not very much, but you know, you are perhaps the funniest author on Earth.

Crusade

Not Your Usual Crites Novel This is my favorite Crites novel, bar none. It's the best written, with the most convoluted plot, and best characters. Listen carefully, I'm going to tell you something important: there are no vampires what. so. ever. So, if you want vampires and vampire slayers, go look for another title. This book is not for you. Move along..

As an upstanding citizen, I cannot believe how I love this novel. It's true. I admit it, but only under a pseudonym. The author had me with the first couple paragraphs, where he describes how to put on a bra. Correctly. I was impressed. An author needs a habit of careful observation. If he can get something like that right, he may have hidden depths and get other things right. The characters view whited sepulchers, and hold them up for ridicule. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't listen. The people in this novel are as real as any I know. I refuse to get into details; if you want to know more, go listen. Greg ha s a gift for reading. Visit the author's website for other titles. Most of them have vampires. Oh, I almost forgot. This book is really, really funny. Laugh out loud, split your sides funny. It's worth a listen.

Classic!
Brutha was that well timed! Pal, you did it again. “...(spoiler delete) is arguably the finest last sentence of a book there ever was. This is beautiful, dude. Great, great book. Glad you left the Moriarty Effect, it adds depth to the whole world you’ve created by drinking too much milk. Oh, one little thing...

Satisfying!
Well done! Very satisfactory ending. The overall structure couldn't be better. I can see how Devlin has acquired an enthusiastic public. Still not my genre, but that doesn't keep me from appreciating good writing, sound structure, vivid imagery, side-splitting wisecracks, brash irreverence - and, above all, prolific creativity.

Brilliant!
This kicked ass. Absolutely, positively ROCKED, from the intro of the Hell Hermit, to your jackass ending (ok, I'll admit that the ending had me snorting Red Bull at my screen again, but only because... well, I LOVE that Jennifer told him to shut up and kiss her. That just rocks, and as much as I hate to admit it, it was the perfect ending), it kept me glued to the screen, desperate for more, and if it was a book in my hand (AHEM. hint, hint) I'd have sat down in one sitting to read it. Which only means that I need it- NOW- on my bookshelf. Seriously, this series you created is absolute genius. Three books with Devlin, and I still want more. He's the perfect storybook badass, and I love him. I love the way he reacts to the people in his life, and I love the way the people in his life deal with him. Honestly, you rocked this, and I'm in awe of you. Now... um, WHERE THE HELL IS DUNKIN?!?

Devlin II

"Yo Greg! Love the Devlin II so far - finished up to what you had done - really nice work - I'd love to hear the Sigler's immitation of Crites - had to be funny - was there Rum involved?"

Stop Wriing!

I have listened to Dunkin 1 and 2 and Devlin. HAR!!

Great job on the reading!! Thanks a ton Greg.

Dammit!

Hi Greg, Just wanted to thank you for all the entertainment your books give me. I've listened to a lot of your stuff, both downloaded from podiobooks and bought at your website, and really enjoyed each and every book.I listen to each of your books at least twiceonce to simply find out what happens next, and immediately after that the second time, to fully appreciate all the brilliant dialogs and the long monologues sparkling with humor. And quite often, after some time I return and listen again, simply because your books are damn good

I know that everyone loves Dunkin and Devlin, but I'd like to let you know that your other books - such as "No, You Can't Have It" or "Bluetooth Bayou" are equally great. So thanks again. -- XXXXX from Poland (a country in Europe, stuck between Germany and Russia :) )

Go Ahead, Listen

... and keep up the great works, I am still laughing at all the great content, thanks, take care ...

Crusade

Hey Mr. Crites, I found your podiobooks on I tunes. I'm sorry to say I had never heard of you before or these books. But I listened to both Dunkin books and the Devlin spin off. I'm completely hooked. When is Dunkin 3 going to be released? I'm jonesing for the finale.

A newly turned fan. CB

Also FINALLY recd all of Greg Crites casts. HE IS HILLARIOUS!!! I have been waiting for the final half of my Dunkin and Devlin. YEA! ...

Devlin FOUR!

This ia a great podnovel!! Greg is so funny!It will leave you laughing! Love it! .... itunes

HAR!

I was working out and almost sprayed water all over the biggest guy at the gym after one of Greg's quips. I haven't laughed so long and thoroughly enjoyed myself in years. I can't wait until number TWO. ...itunes

Laughed myself silly! ...from itunes

Kumbaya

This is one of the funniest and best read books on here. Don’t take my word on it just download a few chapters! HAR! ...iTunes

I'm Working on it

Just wanted to say what a breath of fresh air your novels are. I'm subscribed through podiobooks and have listened to Dunkin the vampire slayer, am up to date on Dunkin 2 and in the meantime am listening to Devlin and the Hell Hermit. I tend to listen in car on the way to work and am getting strange looks from other drivers as I sit laughing out loud while stuck in traffic. They must think I'm mad. I've also caught myself using Devlin's expression HAR! again people think I'm mad.

Anyway I wanted to thank you for brightening up my day with a little humour and mayhem. thanks

Coming Soon!

Another GREAT story. Very funny! ...iTunes

Writing Now

If you take Carl Hiassen, Robert Rankin, Cheech & Chong and Hunter Thompson. Add a Keg of Captain Morgan's Rum and blend on high; you'll get Greg Crites.

He actually has a very interesting view on life although somewhat hazy due to all the marijuan ... iTunes

Feel the luv...

Greg Crites is one of the most adorable, funniest podiobook/artists there is! I luv absolutely everything he does. He makes me laugh all the time with his antics and storylines..

All his work is soo cleverly done and with a swig of spiced adult beverage it just keeps getting better. When I win the lottery, I'm gonna set this man up! xxooxxoo ...iTunes

NYCHI

I just wanted you to know that while Devlin is my favorite I enjoyed NYCHI. I had to make a trip to Baltimore, and if it wasn't for your book to listen to I would have gone crazy.

Thanks again for never letting your fans down. M

Zany

This is a highly entertaining story, read with verve and gusto by the author. It is seriously politically incorrect, and extremely funny.

You’ve been warned. Enjoy! Devlin ... iTunes

Kaboom!

Greg is the Bomb! HAR!

...iTunes

Obamistan

Creg Crites Duncan & Devlin stories are funnier 'n crap ...iTunes

Hars! Attacks!

IThis is stuff along the lines of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Mars Attacks. Bram Stoker, Stephanie Miller, Ann Rice, you been had by Duncan, Devlin and Ashe. Devlin and the Pope is sick. More fun than a barrel of monkeys and wolves. Ended too so... iTunes

I started listening to Greg Crites with Crusade, whose irreverence and humor, elevated me to Level 5 Heathen. I then went to check out Devlin, Abnormal Investigations, and it had me laughing out loud. But, this one, which details the origins of De... from itunes

Har!! This is one of the funniest podcasts EVER... from itunes

What a great read/listen. I love the different voices and the personality that each has. Good stuff ...iTunes

Heh!

I just recently finished listening to Crusade, Devlin, Duncan book 1 and am caught up to you on Duncan book 2. Man, this shit just flat out rocks! My favorite part in any of the books so far is when Devlin discovered 'music to kill people by' -- down with the sickness indeed!

I'm happy that I discovered your work and I've passed the links on to some friends around the country who are now listening as well. You are one talented Hack my friend and if you ever find yourself in Colorado, I'll buy you a bottle or three of rum.

Huh?

Hey Man,Just wanted to drop you a line. I bought all your audiobooks the other day and I can say that I've actually enjoyed your books more than XXXXXXXXX. :) Just don't tell him that or he'll kick my ass. Devlin is probably my favorite literary character ever,and I'm a (deleted) and I'm friggin readin all the time. So, keep up the good work! I can't wait for the next Dunkin and Devlin book. PS. I as at the airport in Chicago on election day, laughing audibly to your Dunkin II book.

People were lookin' at me like I was nuts. You're books have brought me many hours of enjoyment!

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Guerilla Garage Sale Tactics

Guerilla Garage Sale Tactics A Collection of Greg Crites’ Short Nonsense This audio collection features 24 short pieces written by that imbecile, Crites. It runs four-hours and costs three-bucks....

Devlin 8 Audio Sample Chapter

Chapter one of the 8th Devlin tale: Devlin, Abnormal Investigations Case File: The 12 Labors of HAR!cules Still working on audio edits and cover. I'd give ya a date but you'd just get mad when I was...

Dunkin/Devlin E-Book Bundle

Get Dunkin 1-3 and Devlin 1 - 7 in epub and mobi e-book formats for $9.99

Get Zane Audiobook FREE

Contribute to the @journalismjunk surgery fund here, get Zane audiobook Free. Click paypal button below, enter daleray in coupon field, click apply, confirm $0 charge in cost field, click checkout...

Flaming Asshole Chile Recipe

Flaming Asshole Chile Recipe 1 Green Pepper 1 small jar red roasted peppers 5 jalapenos 1 Habanero pepper 2 large onions 5 tomatoes 3 garlic cloves 1 pound ground beef 1 pound Italian sausage 1 package...

2012 Halloween Special FREE Audiobook

All E-Books 99¢

Devlin Abnormal Investigations Case File: The Undescended Testicle LIVE!

Devlin Hardcover

Devlin Case File: The Spawn of Cthwholhu? IS LIVE!

Zombies Ain't Funny Anthology Softcover

System maintenance

You Cannot Direct Download My Audiobooks To An Ipad

Devlin V: Devlin Does D.C.

No You Can't Have It Printed Copies Arrived

INCREDIBLE! LMFGO

Last Updated (Sunday, 12 April 2009 12:16) Written by Administrator Friday, 03 April 2009 09:39


Click me first.	Click me second.

Clodcast #23
The Clodcast #23 DIRECT DOWNLOAD HERE:
	Remember to try Fried Green Zombies by John Allen. Go here: www.friedgreenzombies.com

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Get Yer Audio Goodness Here!

Last Updated (Monday, 15 October 2012 12:58) Written by Administrator Tuesday, 18 November 2008 15:18

	No registration. No passwords. Straight to paypal! 30 seconds you have your links. BAM! All my audiobooks are stored as a bundle of mp3 chapters, zipped and staged for fast delivery via an expensive darn pipeline. None of my files are encoded with any type of DRM They're simple mp3's. I deliver content the same way all major audiobook company's do—including audible. ATTENTION!!! DO NOT TRY AND BUY STUFF TO DOWNLOAD DIRECTLY TO YOUR PHONE OR PAD. AS FAR AS I KNOW, YOU NEED TO DOWNLOAD TO A COMPUTER, UNZIP, PLACE ON WHATEVER DEVICE YOU USE TO LISTEN TO MP3'S. I DON'T OWN ANY OF THOSE FANCY DOODADS AND THUS AM UNABLE TO PROVIDE SUPPORT. WITH THE PROLIFERATION OF THESE DEVICES I CAN SEE THEY WILL BECOME A PROBLEM THAT INTERFERES WITH MY DRINKING.	I
	Devlin 7! This is the tenth novel Devlin, the Alcoholic Vampire, has appeared in. This is the audiobook. 18 chapters. Five hours of listening pleasure! $6 BUCKS! Instant Download!
	Rants, Raves, & Ramblings, written by Daniel Philip Lobe This is for the 3.4 hour audiobook in a zipped archive $3.49
	Devlin 6. The Novella. This is for the 2.4 hour audiobook entitled: Devlin Abnormal Investigations Case File: Spawn of Cthwholhu in a zipped archive. Total cost $2.99
	Devlin 5! This is the eighth novel Devlin, the Alcoholic Vampire, has appeared in. This is the audiobook. 26 chapters. Over 5 hours of listening pleasure. HAR! $6 BUCKS! Instant Download!
	Audiobook version. Instant Download. Thiirty chapters, about 4.5 hours. Priced at $5.99
	Audiobook version. Instant Download. Seventeen chapters, about 3.5 hours. Priced at three-bucks. It's SciFi. Forcefields and stuff. No humor. Plus, there's more cussing than usually found in my books. So, yer forewarned.
	Key Weird This gets you an instant download link to the 55,000 word, 6+ hour audiobook version of Key Weird by Robert Tacoma The cost is $5.99
	The story of a young boy and his odd friend. One of them may save humanity. The audiobook is 4.99
	DEVLIN 4 — LIVE! The audiobook. 7+ Hours of nonsense. 31 mp3 chapters in a single zip file archive. Enjoy!
	DEVLIN 3!!! YES, IT'S DEVLIN, ABNORMAL INVESTIGATIONS CASE FILE: THE GOURD OF DESTINY THE AUDIOBOOK! HAR! $6 BUCKS. INSTANT DOWNLOAD. GET YER DEVLIN BEFORE HE GETS YOU.
	The audiobook! Sixteen stories. Written by fourteen different twisted humanoids. Assembled and chosen by a gang of judges who despise one another. HAR! It's 'Zombies Ain't Funny... The Anthology. This is for the audiobook. Six-hours. Narrated by Crites using his entire repertoire of bad voices, accents, and pronunciation. And, as always, Six-Bucks! $3.99! Instant download!
DUNKIN TRILOGY SOFTCOVER	DUNKIN TRILOGY SOFTCOVER—U.S. DON'T SCREW AROUND! THIS GETS YOU INSTANT LINKS TO ALL THE AUDIOBOOKS LISTED! THIS IS FOR US DOMESTIC SHIPMENTS OF THE BOOKS INSIDE THE U.S.— The Dunkin trilogy Softcover set contains all FOUR books in the Trilogy. It's signed, numbered, limited to a print run of 1000 copies—EVER! Each volume has a sleeve inside containing a matching, signed, numbered DVD. PLUS! You get a download instantly of all the audiobooks to keep you company. $33. shipping is included	SOLD OUT
DUNKIN TRILOGY SOFTCOVER	DUNKIN TRILOGY SOFTCOVER—INT'NTL DON'T SCREW AROUND! THIS GETS YOU INSTANT LINKS TO ALL THE AUDIOBOOKS LISTED! THIS IS FOR INTERNATIONAL SHIPMENTS OF THE BOOK OUTSIDE THE U.S.— The Dunkin trilogy Softcover set contains all FOUR books in the Trilogy. It's signed, numbered, limited to a print run of 1000 copies—EVER! Each volume has a sleeve inside containing a matching, signed, numbered DVD. PLUS! You get a download instantly of all the audiobooks to keep you company. $46. shipping is included	SOLD OUT
	Global Swarming: Til Death Do Us Part, A Love Story—With Zombies This is the entire book chapters 1-40 of Global Swarming in a .zip file. It sells for 6.00. So the total cost of the 9+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file — is six-bucks. FRAGGIN' .60¢ AN HOUR! Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	Zane Sickle Comic Adventurer This is the entire six-hour audiobook of Zane. It sells for 6.00. so the total cost of the 10+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file — is six-bucks. Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	Dunkin the Vampire Slayer 3 =8+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file — six-bucks. Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	No You Can't Have It This is the Audiobook. It sells for 6.00. 8+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file. Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	Devlin Abnormal Investigations: Case File Cleft Behind The zip contains all 32 chapters of Devlin Abnormal Investigations: Case File Cleft Behind The Audiobook! 8+ hours - 400 megabytes No ads! No bullshit! $6.00
	Bluetooth Bayou This is the 9+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file — it is six-bucks. Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	Dunkin the Vampire Slayer 1 Dunkin 1 Audiobook - This is the entire novel Dunkin the Vampire Slayer—book one of the trilogy. The total cost of the 9+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file — is $4.99. Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	DEVLIN, ABNORMAL INVESTIGATIONS: CASE FILE: THE HELL HERMIT (this is for the NEW Re-Recorded Version) This is the new recording. The entire 8-hour audiobook is $6.00
	Dunkin the Vampire Slayer II Dunkin II Audiobook - The total cost of the 9+ hour audiobook in mp3 format, delivered as a .zip file — is $6.00. Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	CRUSADE Crusade - This is the audiobook. Original version—not yet remasterd. It is $4.99 Once you purchase, within minutes, you will receive an email with a download link. Click that link to start downloading your file. Thank you! The Hack.
	Hard Boiled Headline This is an zipped archive containing all 30 chapters in mp3 format, just over 440 megabytes in zipped form. It contains all 30 chapters, seven hours, the entire story. Complete with beginning, middle, and end. It is $4.99. Remember, this is not Devlin, Dunkin, or Crusade. This is me, The Hack, trying his hand at yet another genre. You still use Paypal for safe payment. Click the image at left for a summary.
	This is the entire six-hour audiobook of Westley Weasel-Private Dick: The Case For Castration (rated O for fraggin' offensive to everyone who can't understand the theory of metaphor) written by Kat Nove and narrated by The Hack. It is a single file of approx 400 megs, six hours. $4.99 And you will receive a FREE link to my re-record of the first Devlin novel AFTER you email me requesting it.

Comments (72)

Sneak peek at New Zombie Book Chapter Three

Last Updated (Sunday, 05 April 2009 10:59) Written by Administrator Monday, 23 March 2009 13:04


Click me!

Global Swarming

Till Death Do Us Part... Love Among the Zombie Horde
by Kat Nove and Greg crites

This is your final peek until we finish. Enjoy!

Chapter Three - The Martian Mafia

“Im tellin’ ya, we don’t fit in.” Guido said.

“Whaddaya mean, we don’t fit in?” Antonio asked.

“Well, first off, we’s short. Look at these creatures—they’re huge! Second, we don’t talk right.”

“Whaddayamean, we don’t talk right. We’re talking english. We sound just like ‘em.”

“We sound like mobsters,” Guido stated.

“We are mobsters. The guys in the tech warehouse know their business.”

“No. Them tech assholes know how to keep two trillion porn sites running. With six-thousand species of creatures involved in twenty-two-thousand sick, twisted, depraved, unmentionable sexual fetishes. They know jack shit about programming some useful language instruction into the heads of a couple working-class goombahs on a field mission of maximum money making importance to Don Ravioleo.”

“I know this is a low-level crap job. But we get this right, we’re made men. We’re done! We can write our own ticket. Capische?”

Sneak peek at New Zombie Book Chapter 2

Last Updated (Monday, 23 March 2009 10:34) Written by Administrator Monday, 23 March 2009 10:26

Heh! Heh! Here is Kat Nove's character and this illustrates how well we work together. Feel the love. HAR!

Global Swarming

Till Death Do Us Part... Love Among the Zombie Horde

by Kat Nove and Greg Crites

Chapter 2 — If the Magical Kingdom is So Magical, What’s With This Rash?

Cruella De Vil shrugged out of her full-length faux dalmation coat, peeled off elbow-length red gloves, and plopped down on a wooden bench behind a maintenance shed. Disney landscape architects had designed the shed to be strategically hidden behind dozens of multi-colored azalea shrubs. Native to Florida, the flowering plants smelled like honeysuckle. In defiance of the Magic Kingdom’s no smoking policy, she pulled a pack of menthol cigarettes and lighter from her bra and lit up. With lips painted the same scarlet as her fingernails, she blew smoke in the direction of Tinkerbelle, who sat on a nearby bench.

“Hot day, eh?” said Tink.

“Gee, I don’t know. Is it? This is Florida in August and I’m wearing fake fucking fur, so while I might be a mistress of alliteration, I’m damn sure no weatherman.”

Tinkerbelle muttered under her breath, “Bitch.”

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Last Updated (Sunday, 05 April 2009 11:00) Written by Administrator Tuesday, 17 March 2009 19:29


Click Me!

Rest assured, this holiday is sacrosanct to 'The Hack'. I've been drinking all day. And, uh... I still have stuff left to drink. So until I either fall over, or my liver throws up it's tiny arms and surrenders, IT'S ST. PADDY'S DAY!

HAR!

Oh, and there is yet another short story of mine at edwardgtalbot.com

So you've had the Crites/Sigler collaboration on the Crypt. A new Clodcast. Three episodes of the in-progress Dunkin the Vampire Slayer III, It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings, a chapter of a new zombie book, and a Fraggin' short story at edwardgtalbot.com in the Intercast feed. Enjoy. I'm gonna continue drinkin', cuz, uh, I worked HAR!d.

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Fan Comments

Scott Sigler, NYT bestselling Novelist on Crusade — This is the best book in the history of mankind. Crites is beyond awesome. I actually long for the day when he will rattle off a thesaurus-driven chain of insults at me. Greg, please, insult me in this fashion.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I downloaded the podio book. Crusade I thought I was getting a podio book about The Crusade.

Dunkin II! NOOOO! It’s over. I’m going to have Devlin withdrawal. These books are a riot! I listen to them while doing data entry and I’m surprised I haven’t been fired yet for bursting out laughing. THANKS GREG! YOU ROCK!

I love how the story unfolds. Personally, I was always intrigued to learn what would happen next. The characters develop throughout the story. This isn't your typical vampire story that portray them has strictly beautiful, handsome, or in the best shape ever.

Due to the less than impressive cover, I avoided listening to this podcast for awhile. However, once one of my favorite podcast authors, Scott Sigler, recommended Greg Crites Crusade, I tried listening to this podcast. I have to say, this story blew my mind. The author is hilarious.

Beneath the humor, drinking, and the violence, lies a great story! I rank this trilogy with the like of other podcast authors such as Scott Sigler's Earthcore, J.C. Hutchinson's 7th Son Trilogy, Mark Jeffrey's Max Quick series, and John Lenahan's Shadowmagic.

It's official, Greg Crites is among the elite authors of the podcast novel community. This is the third novel, the other two being Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, that I was totally engulfed in.

Hey Crites, Long time listener, first time e-mailer... or something like that.

Subject pretty much says it all, but I figure I'd scrawl a small note. I bought Zane and Global Swarming and others. I've enjoyed everything you've released so far, and after giving it some thought, not very much, but you know, you are perhaps the funniest author on Earth.

"Yo Greg! Love the Devlin II so far - finished up to what you had done - really nice work - I'd love to hear the Sigler's immitation of Crites - had to be funny - was there Rum involved?"

I have listened to Dunkin 1 and 2 and Devlin. HAR!!

... and keep up the great works, I am still laughing at all the great content, thanks, take care ...

Hey Mr. Crites, I found your podiobooks on I tunes. I'm sorry to say I had never heard of you before or these books. But I listened to both Dunkin books and the Devlin spin off. I'm completely hooked. When is Dunkin 3 going to be released? I'm jonesing for the finale.

This ia a great podnovel!! Greg is so funny!It will leave you laughing! Love it! .... itunes

I was working out and almost sprayed water all over the biggest guy at the gym after one of Greg's quips. I haven't laughed so long and thoroughly enjoyed myself in years. I can't wait until number TWO. ...itunes

Laughed myself silly! ...from itunes

This is one of the funniest and best read books on here. Don’t take my word on it just download a few chapters! HAR! ...iTunes

Another GREAT story. Very funny! ...iTunes

If you take Carl Hiassen, Robert Rankin, Cheech & Chong and Hunter Thompson. Add a Keg of Captain Morgan's Rum and blend on high; you'll get Greg Crites.

Greg Crites is one of the most adorable, funniest podiobook/artists there is! I luv absolutely everything he does. He makes me laugh all the time with his antics and storylines..

I just wanted you to know that while Devlin is my favorite I enjoyed NYCHI. I had to make a trip to Baltimore, and if it wasn't for your book to listen to I would have gone crazy.

This is a highly entertaining story, read with verve and gusto by the author. It is seriously politically incorrect, and extremely funny.

Greg is the Bomb! HAR!

Creg Crites Duncan & Devlin stories are funnier 'n crap ...iTunes

IThis is stuff along the lines of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Mars Attacks. Bram Stoker, Stephanie Miller, Ann Rice, you been had by Duncan, Devlin and Ashe. Devlin and the Pope is sick. More fun than a barrel of monkeys and wolves. Ended too so... iTunes

What a great read/listen. I love the different voices and the personality that each has. Good stuff ...iTunes

I just recently finished listening to Crusade, Devlin, Duncan book 1 and am caught up to you on Duncan book 2. Man, this shit just flat out rocks! My favorite part in any of the books so far is when Devlin discovered 'music to kill people by' -- down with the sickness indeed!

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Scott Sigler , NYT bestselling Novelist on Crusade — This is the best book in the history of mankind. Crites is beyond awesome. I actually long for the day when he will rattle off a thesaurus-driven chain of insults at me. Greg, please, insult me in this fashion.