Twas the Night Before Christmas ... Yugozuzuhatsu Style

Last Updated on Monday, 29 November 1999 18:00

Veinarmory-Blog - Song Parody

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the trailer,

the cockroaches were freezing, getting paler and paler.

Stockings weren't hung from the chimney with care,

we used them for gloves; it was cold in there.

The children were clumped in a tight little ball,

so close together, they couldn't even squall.

And momma in her snowsuit, and I in my jeans,

had just settled down for a plate of cold beans.

When out on the street, there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my lawn chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the door I flew in a flash,

jerked off the doorknob and fell with a smash.

When what to my watering eyes did I see,

but, a sleigh and eight little cars that looked foreign to me.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I took a wild guess that it must be St. Nick!

With rods a knocking, spitting foul blue smoke,

he shouted, howled and almost choked.

"Now Datsun, now Toyota, now Nissan and Subaru,

On Yugo, Lexus, Izuzu and Daihatsu!"

Then out of their exhaust pipes did shoot a great fire,

and with a terrible racket each one did expire.

He jumped from his sleigh with fire in his eyes;

raised up his hands and shouted "Why, oh why?

Why did I trade in my reindeer for these?

I've been swindled by foreigners and crooked Japanese!"

Hey you, over there." He was talking to me,

"Can you find a repairman who will work Christmas eve?"

"I doubt it," I said, as a laugh crossed my lips.

"That kind of service just doesn't exist."

"What about Christmas, and all of these toys,

I need to deliver to good girls and boys?"

"If you needed to deliver with some hope of success,

You should have bought old Jeeps or called UPS"

As he trudged through the snow by the light of the moon,

I could hear him exclaim, "If I never see another riceburner, it will be too soon!"

( Ho! Ho! Ho! With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.)