Crites' Treatment of Next Season's '24' Canadian IBS

Last Updated on Tuesday, 02 February 2010 05:52

Veinarmory-Blog - Miscellaneous Snorts

I have been hired to craft next season's script for '24 Hours', the popular TV series. I've never seen the show, but I need the money so here is the opening episode.

“Camera One, Three, Five, flat focus. Two and four, zoom. And five, four, three, two, one, Action.”

Narrator recaps this weeks action during episodes overflight of Metro D.C.

“In this weeks season-opening episode of ‘24 HOURS IN A BORING DAY’, agent Jack Bowel, of the CIA must stop Canadian terrorists, floating across Lake Michigan in the dead of night with chainsaws and bright-yellow Caterpillar woodchippers. Their insidous plot: take over small cities in Michigan, killing the locals, assuming their identity and working their way down to Florida so they can actually experience sunshine. Agent Bowel has only ‘24 HOURS IN A BORING DAY’ to thwart the plot.

Zoom in to handsome NSA agent, Doob Donger as he leans against a closed bathroom stall in an executive washroom in the lower levels of the White House.

“Come on Jack! The President, his chief of staff, and ole hawkeye-the VP, are waiting.”

“Back off!” A pained voice sounded from behind the stall’s door. “You do it. I got intestinal issues.”

Disgusting noises emanate from within the stall.

“Jack, I told you not to eat those burritos from that cart.” Doob said. “Now suck it up... er, I mean, blow it out and lets get moving. I always experience difficulty explaining satellite photos and answering questions. I need you, Jack.”

“We gotta go after these damn illegal aliens from Mexico.” Jack strained out. “They’re trying to kill us with bad burritos. Arrggghhh.” Appalling liquidy sounds followed by several loud breaths. “I wonder if it feels like this having a baby? We gotta call the CDC, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. Them burritos are a Weapon of Ass Destruction.”

“What, are you passing a bowling ball through your ass? Man up, and face the day. Infrared video from Drone flyovers show several trailers with huge woodchippers on their way to a small bordertown. We have to move. We need authorization to carpet-bomb Ontario, and that means we have to convince ole pencil-pecker to give us a go-ahead.”

“Owww. I got problems, Doob. You have to take the meeting. I know you can do it. Just remember, up is north.