Scott Sigler can weave a tale—pure and simple. You add plausible science, strong characterization, and most importantly N O N S T O P A C T I O N — you get ANCESTOR. When I take time away from drinking and writing my own nonsense, when I just want to be fraggin' entertained, I read Sigler the FDO*. In fact, I have such a good time I refrain from cussing him for being that good. OK, maybe I cuss him a little.
Click here to pre-order from AMAZON
Click here to order from Barnes & Noble
Click here to order from Books-A-Million
And if Powell's is your preference, click here
"Ancestor starts with a literal bang and builds to a desperate climax that will keep you guessing." --David Wellington, author of Monster Island and 13 Bullets
If you are a reader who appreciates a near-perfect blend of hard science and hard-hitting action, expect both in Scott Sigler's masterful thriller, ANCESTOR --A.M. Stickel, 12.31.06, for BLACK PETALS --
On a remote island in Lake Superior, scientists struggle to solve the problem of xenotransplantation -- using animal tissue to replace failing human organs. Funded by the biotech firm Genada, Dr. Claus Rhumkorrf seeks to recreate the ancestor of all mammals. By getting back to the root of our creation, Rhumkorrf hopes to create an animal with human internal organs. Rhumkorrf discovers the ancestor, but it is not the small, harmless creature he envisions. His genius gives birth to a fast-growing evil that nature eradicated 250 million years ago -- an evil now on the loose, and very, very hungry.
Ancestor is the world's most-popular "podcast novel." A serialized audiobook delivered in 20 weekly episodes, Ancestor's first run played to an audience of more than 30,000 die-hard fans in 31 countries. All told, fans have downloaded more than 700,000 episodes of Ancestor. En route to a rousing final episode, Ancestor was the #1 literary podcast on iTunes and every other podcast index, including Morpheus, FeedBurner, Podiobooks.com and Podcast Alley. The book's popularity caught the attention of the broadcast world, and was the first audiobook broadcast on Sirius Satellite to the company's 4.3 million subscribers.
*FDO Future dark Overlord—get more at www.scottsigler.com
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| Crap I draw... | Fraggin' PITA Text | Ooh! I wonder what the cover is going to look like? The one done by a REAL artist? |
One-point-five MILLION characters... two-hundred-sixty-five thousand words... 520 pages......................what a pain in the ass!
I took this down the other night and returned all the money as I was in the middle of negotiations with a company that requested I suspend my marketing crap. I agreed to stop until after I told them to go away—which I did. Veinarmor is still a one-man crowd of alcoholics. They wanted me to do stuff, like write queries. QUERY! WTF? How's this: Hello, ya rat turd. I write stuff. Thousands read it, smile, and buy me rum. Here's my proposal: give me a sailboat; some liquor; a check—then go away.
Needless to say we never came to terms. I won't mention who it is—that would be unprofessional. As anyone for whom I host or build sites, edit their swill, or design some crap will tell you—I am the epitome of professionalism. Unless you turn yer back, or leave a bottle unguarded, or you can't see that I'm drinking while trying to figure out what the hell it is you want me to do about yer problem.
Anyway, here's your chance to get all four books under one hardcover with the dvd inside to boot.
100 Hardcovers with dust Jacket containing all three Dunkin books and the Devlin-Hell Hermit novel. Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Something Porcine This Way Comes, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse, Devlin Abnormal Investigations, Case File The Hell Hermit, and Dunkin the Vampire Slayer; It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings—ALL UNDER ONE COVER. All signed and numbered and all with a sleeve inside the front cover containing a matching signed/numbered DVD with all four audiobooks on it. The book is huge, 540 pages. Over 240,000 words. Each comes with a certificate showing The Hack signing it. It's $37.00 pre-order right here only. Shipping is included if you are in the United States. If you are international, it's $46.00 shipping included. Apologies to my friends overseas, the book is four-freaking-pounds.
OH! And did I mention I hired a real artist to do the cover? (instead of my amateur crap -design like you see all over this site—Including that chintzy-ass illustration I did above.) And we get to see what Devlin looks like? And it's gonna be awesome!!! With swords, and booze, and bodies, and carnage!
There will only be 100 copies made—ever. Numbers will be in the order taken. I'm giving number one to a hooker I met. Number 100 will go to one of you whom I pick by making you do something stupid. I'll ship them when I get around to it. Kat is doing the typo edits and someone else is working on the cover art. They will ship May 15th. OH! ANd to keep ya calm until I ship, you will also receive download links to: No, You Can't Have It, Bluetooth Bayou, Zane Sickle, Devlin II, Dunkin 3, etc. If you are a new fan of THE HACK, this is a great deal as you get all the audiobooks you can't get anywhere else and at $6-bucks each, they'd cost more than the book.
A few will be set aside as prizes for holders of craptacular DVD's. We'll do that some time this summer. This is your chance to get the whole series under one cover before some hack at the syfy channel pays me for the rights to make some lame-ass movie starring Barry Manilow as Devlin or some nonsense. I won't care as long as the check clears. It's all about the rum.
| What's in the Hardcover Book | Cost | Buy @ Paypal | |
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Something Porcine This Way Comes | Domestic US | $37.00 |
|
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse | International | $46.00 |  |
Devlin Abnormal Investigations, Case File The Hell Hermit | Shipping | Free | |
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer; It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings | |||
ALL UNDER ONE CLOTH COVER WITH A NICE JACKET I DIDN"T DESIGN | Ship Date | 05/01/10 | |
A matching signed/numbered DVD with all four audiobooks | |||
A link to download all the audiobooks you can't get anywhere else. |
If you would rather buy from Ebay, use the contact form above to request an ebay listing, I'll make a listing and email you the link.
If you want something special signed, send me a note using the CONTACT form at the top of this friggin' pain-in-the-ass website.
*** A carton of six-bottles of Sailor Jerry Rum is $120 bucks. I drink a carton a month. So yeah, ya got me. Ya figured it out. This is just another cheap-ass Hack gimmick to secure his rum supply for the rest of the year. But just think... one of these days I'm gonna be too drunk to realize I've signed some kinda deal for the movie rights to the Dunkin Saga. Some rat-faced, pinch-lipped, tight=sphinctered lawyer will have my alcoholic ass bound up tighter than the chastity belt on a female IRS agent's soft bits. And there you'll be, holding one of only 100 copies of the Dunkin saga that exist in the entire world. I can see the Ebay frenzy now.
Well, I sent several hundred links out and missed about 10% of ya thus far. Wasn't intentional, just incompetence. If you were in on the promotion and didn't receive yours, send a note via the CONTACT link at the very top of this page. Fortunately I have remained sober and vigilant since the release and sent your links within minutes of receiving an email stating you feel ostracized. Heh! If you didn't already download the first 24 chapters from the Lugwrench feed, it's too late. They are gone. If you have Dunkin 3 coming, use the CONTACT form to let me know you need 16-31. I warned ya they would only be there for a couple weeks. I was riding the fringe of my storage space. I have learned something from this, never do it again. HAR! Chapter 28 was an MP4 instead of an MP3 (by the way, mp4 files are much smaller. Why can't I use these? Chime in if you know.) Anyway, I have changed it in all the download staging areas I used to get out the chapters. I spread it around so you would not experience failed downloads due to bandwidth limitations. Enjoy the book, and thanks.
Dunkin 3 is not for sale. When it becomes available I will make an announcement. Some of the proceeds will go to Haiti relief fund (Have not decided which fund yet. I'll post a screenshot of the paypl ticket when I make the donation), as that is some seriously screwed-up tribulations those folks have experienced. Words are simply inadequate. I hope greed and stupidity does not rule the day over there. I hope the money is used intelligently. I hope the Haitian people get to rebuild their own country and outsiders do not flood the area depriving the people who live there of an opportunity to rebuild their own infrastructure.
The music used in Dunkin 3 is called INTRO by MZMK and it can be found on Jamendo.com
The chapter Headers are:
Title Page
Chapter 01 Forced Mastication
Chapter 02 Abandon Hope
Chapter 03 Rat Soup
Chapter 04 Gratuitous Violence
Chapter 05 Song of the Siren
Chapter 06 Har! I Come, To Save the Day
Chapter 07 Short-Term Needs
Chapter 08 Pork Rinds, Peanuts, and Pumpkin Seeds
Chapter 09 I Seem To remember I don't Like You
Chapter 10 Grim Fairy Tale
Chapter 11 Preoccupo Parco or Nag Avoidance
Chapter 12 Just Leave It
Chapter 13 R.I.P. Hermy
Chapter 14 Manipulation
Chapter 15 Yeah, Yeah, Werewhatever
Chapter 16 No Joy In Greekville
Chapter 17 Monster Killin' Fer Dummies
Chapter 18 Banshee Shmansee
Chapter 19 Har! Ya Got Me!
Chapter 20 Call For Mr. Devlin
Chapter 21 Destination Volcano
Chapter 22 Bibo Ergo Sum
Chapter 23 Fell Into A Burning Ring of Fire
Chapter 24 Drinkin' Brings Out the Truth
Chapter 25 Stop Killing My Lackeys
Chapter 26 Pay Attention!
Chapter 27 What Is That Noise?
Chapter 28 Go Away!
Chapter 29 Powerless
Chapter 30 No Happiness
Chapter 31 omnibus locis fit caedes
<<<<>>>>
It is 68,000 words, 31 chapters, the audio runs over 9 hours. I wrote the book in about six weeks. It took eleven bottles of rum and an unknown amount of beer to complete the manuscript. I gained three pounds by sitting on my ass in front of the screen typing. I'm working that off now. The Boy With the Pale Skin is next. It is almost a young adult novel and in keeping with my policy of writing whatever I feel like. Devlin 3 is done and I'm letting it sit for a while before I look at it for revisions. I do this with all novels. Enjoy yourselves, smile, fraggin' laugh, and I'll annoy ya later. GCC
LATEST!!! UPDATE!!! 02-01-2010
I screwed up about half the links I sent out. People who should have got one, didn't. People I've never heard of, did. Heh! I'll not be doing in mass mailing again. I was laughing at myself until the emails kept flooding in. The buy a DVD-get a Global Swarming deal is over. Sold out of the books. The buy anything, get Dunkin III free deal is over. If you did not receive your dunkin 3 link and you bought something since Zane, use the CONTACT form above and I'll get it to you.
HAR! I hope you did not expect a smooth rollout of your Dunkin 3 downloads. Heh! It seems I have inadvertantly placed chapter 28 as an mp4 file. I quickly sobered when apprised of this inexplicable anomaly and uploaded a new one in mp3 format on the lugwrench feed. You could convert it yourself but it is on the feed, also has been updated on the download links.
I have sent links out. Let me know if you have not received them. Use th contact form above. I don't store your info, just date sold and email address, so I need an actual email address to send to. This is my first attempt at a mass mailing from a database. I'm sure I screwed it up.The link leads either toi a single zip file containing the last 7 chapters (25-31) or a link to a folder containing seven zip files. I had to spread it out for bandwidth reasons and to hold down costs. ENJOY DUNKIN 3!!!
FIRST OFF A HUGE FRIGGIN' THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!
I appreciate your emails, your purchases, and your alarmingly poor taste in entertainment. Dunkin III is done. Recorded, edited, zipped. Ready. I'll start sending out links to you who get it free in a couple days (I gotta read through it one final time and ensure I'm delivering the least quality product possible). You will be downloading a single zipped file with seven chapters (25-31)Approx. 100 megs. Hope you enjoy it and use this post to make Dunkin III comments. I'll disappear for a while after it is distributed. Make sure and get the first 24 off the Lugwrench feed or at iTunes NOW. I will take them down soon. I don't have the bandwidth to keep that many gigs active—it eats into my rum fund.
———————————————
PRIOR NEWS
Okay, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer III: It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings is just about ready. All a youse lovely folks who have bought something since the release of Zane Sickle will get it free. But, in order to keep my server from choking I will have to release it in shifts. You will need to get the first 24 chapters from my Lugwrench feed. (download the media files by clicking once and choosing save in the dialog box that appears) Or get them from iTunes, Zune, etc. I will send a link via email for the remaining chapters. Probably starting sometime next week. For those who have never bought anything, I have no idea when I will get it released.
But, there is still time to buy a six-buck audiobook download. OR!!! I still have a few GCC SuperCraptacular DVD's where you get the DVD, all the audiobooks AND a signed copy of Global Swarming paperback for $24.95 (U.S. Shipments only. International I gotta have an extra five bucks shipping)
This is the feed address for the Lugwrench for those who dislike iTunes: veinarmor.libsyn.com/rss
DON'T LISTEN NOW!
(I left the 'don't listen now' for those who are bitchin' because it took me a week to finish up the edits. I told ya! It's not my fault ya don't pay attention. I write fast, edit slow, and drink steady. Do the math)
I get a metric crapload of emails from readers and listeners. I try to reply to everyone... when I’m sober. Sometimes even when I’ve, uh, err, swallowed a huge quantity of rum. Those of you who have received a drunken email can attest to the ‘fuzziness’ of those responses. During the holiday season I generally end every communication with “Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Buddha Birthday, Allah, Allah, Oxenfree or whatever it is you celebrate.”
This makes some folks curious enough to ask what I celebrate.
I celebrate everything. I love ‘em all. It’s a friggin’ excuse to smile and have a medicinal drink. I love Christmas. Merry Fraggin’ Christmas. This nation has a long tradition of celebrating Christmas. Christmas is HUGE! Some people get offended. They are assbags.
They are the same kind of dolt who moves across the street and refuses to mow the lawn because they don’t believe in it. (Actually you’re just a lazy bastard) I’m sure some green puke will cry about the lawnmower spewing carbon monoxide. Hey, little Einstein. Photosynthesis and thus oxygen production increases during rapid growth. Older plants have a higher ratio of respiration (production of carbon monoxide) to photosynthesis (oxygen production). Mowing shit seems to promote rapid growth because as soon as I get off the mower the crap’s already heading north for my ankles. So by mowing the lawn I believe I’m creating fresh air. Plus, and more important, dickhead—we mow our friggin’ lawns here! (Plus, when your grass gets high enough I'll flatten your tires with an icepick while yer snoring and dreaming of shit to whine about)
Probably 200 million Americans celebrate Christmas. It’s not just a religious thing. It’s a welcome celebration that there is snow up to your ass—but it’s halfway over (unless you live in bumfuck Maine or something—and by the way, your summer will be on Thursday next year). It’s a time of wonder for children. It’s a cultural bedrock that accompanied a nation that, if I need to remind you, actually has shit that works. Electricity, sewers, schools, etc. Things don’t work because of government; they work in spite of it. People make things work. Everyday folks who slog through and get stuff done, day in-day out. Rain or shine. They look forward to celebrations. They look forward to an exciting break in the routine. They look forward to Christmas if only because it makes their children's eyes' go wide with joy. But, a handful of freaks cry about being offended and a whole nation pins its tail between its legs and slinks off to PoliticallyCorrect land. Why don’t you take your liberal, pansy ass over to Syria and start bitching about having to step over idiots on a prayer rug howling toward Mecca. See how that nonsense is received.
The big stores execs enact policies that avoid mentioning Christmas, yet they stock the shelves with Christmas junk. Hypocrites. Worthless slugs I hope get afflicted with horrid hemorrhoids. Who cares if it’s a big consumption spectacle? What the fuck do you do for a living? You ain’t manufacturing anything because the US doesn’t actually build stuff any longer. It’s all made somewhere else for what the US working-age populace would describe as slave wages. There’s an 80% chance yer peddling shit. Sixty of every hundred cars you see tooling back and forth are on their way to a meeting so they can peddle something. The majority of Americans are selling stuff to each other. It’s the new economy. So quit your whining about Christmas. Without it, you’d likely be unemployed.
Should we be consuming so much worthless Chinese crap built so cheap yer lucky if it lasts long enough to unpack? Who cares. It’s none of my business. Should we be celebrating? Hell yes.
I know if I go in some dark bar next week on Christmas Eve and say Merry Christmas and some rube hears it and gets offended. I can politely wish him or her a Merry Gofuckyourself. And if it’s a guy, and he really doesn’t like it, there’s nothing better to cap off Christmas than hitting some assbag so hard your hand swells up to the size of your foot and ya can’t move yer fingers for two days and the bail bondsman you keep on speed dial is in Key West drinking Rum Runners, and yer in a cell with some pinch-eyed bastard who never got anything for Christmas and he’s staring at yer ass...
Anyway, I end my emails with the all-inclusive “Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Buddha Birthday, Allah, Allah, Oxenfree or whatever it is you celebrate” because I think it’s funny. Plus, you might be one of those scumbuckets who will sue me and then, when my bail bondsman gets me out, anal virginity hopefully intact, I can celebrate the New Year by stomping you and your lawyer's ass.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!
Oh, and here's my world famous Jingle Bells and The Night Before Christmas
Now I really have to get moving. It's past time for my annual drin... walkabout.
It's gonna be a good year. I am guaranteeing release of all these at some point, by April.
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